When we first got married it was alright. The abuse really started when we had our first baby. He wanted a boy and was annoyed when it was a girl. He wouldn't help me at all and blamed me if I couldn't manage. He was out all the time and if he was home, he sat on the computer blocking me and the kids out or he picked fights saying I was lazy, worthless, that he was ashamed of me.
What he wanted ruled in the house. Once when he came home my daughter had a friend for tea and he hit the roof. He used to tell his friends how useless I was and I felt they believed him.
Money was a big issue. He only paid the mortgage and wouldn't give me any other money but he expected all his dinners and his washing done. Once I used his phone and he was screaming at me saying he'd ring the police and have me done for theft.
I couldn't trust him at all. I knew he was texting other women. If I asked him about it he'd get angry, saying it was an 'invasion of privacy'.
He ran me right down. I couldn't fight back. I couldn't sleep or eat. I was diagnosed with a stress condition and he didn't like it and would say ‘there's nothing wrong with you’. I doubted myself, thinking I was overreacting but I felt awful all the time. I was suicidal and on anti-depressants.
My Health Visitor put me in touch with Burngreave Domestic Abuse Project and the Support Worker helped me to understand that I was living with emotional abuse. In the end me and the kids had to leave, taking all our stuff on the bus to a new place.
I feel much better now and I'm having counselling to try and build myself back up. I'm better off financially. My two girls are doing really well at school and we're all much happier.
Based on true events, courtesy of the Sheffield Domestic Abuse Partnership.
The name has been changed
Helpline and support
Sheffield Domestic Abuse Partnership offers a range of support services.
Call the Helpline on: 0808 808 2241 or visit http://www.sheffdap.org.uk
Open 10am – 4pm Monday-Friday 10-7pm on Wednesdays
A Punjabi, Urdu and Mirpuri speaker is available on Wednesdays from 10am-1pm.
In emergencies phone 999